There is no one-size-fits-all reason for getting a divorce. Relationships are complicated for everyone, and what may be a complete deal-breaker for one couple could be totally tolerable for another. If you’re considering getting a divorce, you should seriously analyze the main reasons prompting your divorce.
While every situation is full of completely unique variables, these questions will help you know if getting a divorce could be right for you, and if so, when you should do it.
Is This Just a Rough Patch or Something More?
Do you feel like you can’t get along? Do you feel like you’ve fallen out of love and don’t enjoy being together anymore?
Every relationship has its ups and downs, so before you rush to get a divorce, ask yourself if this is just a temporary struggle that may change soon. Can you see your relationship moving past this point? Could the two of you improve things with counseling? Or are you stuck in a downward spiral with no chance of recovering?
What are the Consequences of Staying?
Ask yourself if staying in the relationship would have more negative consequences than leaving. You may be experiencing physical, emotional, or financial abuse. This likely won’t change.
Staying in the relationship could leave you and your children with worse consequences than leaving the relationship. Everyone deserves respect and kindness, and if you aren’t getting that in your marriage, the long-term consequences of staying may be unacceptable. This isn’t always easy to see, and you may have to listen to an outside perspective to help you understand you deserve more.
Why are You Staying Together?
Have you stayed together because you still have hope in a better marriage in the future when circumstances have changed? Or are you only staying together for the kids? If you have kids, you certainly have thought you don’t want to destroy their lives by splitting up.
However, if the only thing holding you together now is the fear of what will happen to your kids if you divorce, that is not a strong enough reason. Your kids undoubtedly understand you aren’t happy, and they are likely already suffering in a variety of ways with the two of you staying together. Both you and your spouse deserve to be happy, and your children deserve to see and feel that happiness.
Can Marriage Counseling Prevent a Divorce?
To be fair, couples who want to save their marriage should at least give marriage counseling a shot, including trying new counselors if one isn’t a good fit. If you give marriage counseling a real solid effort, and there is still no improvement in your marriage, it may be a sign that you should consider divorce.
Where Are You Emotionally?
If you’re considering divorce, your emotions are probably in a rough place. A divorce will only make your emotions worse. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go through with it though if you’ve determined it’s the right choice. To make it through a divorce, you will have to do it when you’re emotionally ready. Can you handle the upcoming important decisions related to child support and child custody? If not, work with a counselor to get yourself in a more emotionally stable place.
Do You Understand the Divorce Process?
Being caught unaware in a divorce process can cost you. Do your homework to understand the different avenues you can pursue in your divorce. Should you try mediation? Should you hire a divorce attorney? Understand the divorce process so you can know the best path to follow.
Are You Prepared for Post Divorce Life?
If you’ve determined a divorce is the right path for you, proceed with your eyes wide open. Know that you’ll have disagreements and battles, and know that if you have kids, the post-divorce life will continue indefinitely. You’ll still see each other and talk to each other, and may have to even make decisions together. Make sure you’re emotionally ready for this, and proceed when you feel you’ve considered everything a divorce will bring.
Ben Carrasco is an Austin divorce attorney with years of experience in family law. Ben can help you with everything from divorce mediation to a court trial. Call Ben today at (512) 320-9126 or request a consultation online!